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Silicon Sports | 18/07/2019

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TF2 Hatless Update

TF2 Hatless Update

Introducing Zero New Hats

Get the full update here

They said it couldn’t be done. Some people (Robin Walker) were emphatic that it should not be done. In fact, some people (Robin again) even threatened us not to do it.

But we are doing it. Welcome to the Hatless Update—where we leave the safety of hat-based updates to explore a bold new hatless frontier, our heads held high (though unsheltered from the elements).

And why? Because Team Fortress is no one-trick pony. As you can clearly see from the embarrassment of miscellaneous improvements making up the Hatless Update, this pony easily—easily—knows seven, possibly even eight tricks. We went and looked through some equestrian training manuals, and it turns out that’s a very respectable number.

In other games, admitting that you’d like some help playing the game is tantamount to announcing that you’d like to hear all the new horrible insults the kids are using today. Not here. Utilizing state-of-the-art Altruism® technology, TF2 will help matchmake you with a coach, who can enter your game and give you some useful tips while tethered to you.


Three new classes join the Soldier for basic training. Learn the detonation essentials behind being a good Demo Man; find out what to build, when, and why when playing as the Engineer; and get the cloaking and backstabbing basics behind the double-crossing Spy.


We’ve rebuilt our UI to support basic voting in such world-defining matters as deciding which level to play next and whether or not to kick out that one guy who keeps making trouble. Years from now, you can tell your children that you were there, and that your vote made a difference.

Dynamic Model Loading

We’ve significantly reduced the amount of memory TF2 uses, which means improved performance. You might not even notice the difference. But what better way to let your computer know you care than by making it work slightly less hard loading your games for you? It puts up with a lot, your computer. More importantly, it’s seen a lot. Too much. Don’t kid yourself, when the singularity hits, it’ll blackmail you into the ground. Be nice to it now while there’s still time.

Server and Steam IDs

Servers can now associate themselves with a Steam ID, which’ll allow us to track servers better going forward, rewarding the good ones and punishing the bad. If years from now you’re wondering how the entire TF2 team got a God complex, it probably started here.

Class Duels

We’ve added a few tweaks to our Dueling system. Now when you enter into a duel, you’ll be given the option when to select a mutual class that you and your fellow duel enthusiast will then be locked into for the duration of the game.

Bot Improvements

Watch your backs. The Spy-Bot’s undergone significant improvements, and is now 50% more devious with his disguises and sentry-sapping. So realistic, you’ll swear the person who gained your trust and back-stabbed you was human. Plus, Offline Practice mode now supports Payload.

Voice Chat Improvements

TF2’s now hooked up to Steam’s new SILK audio codec, which dynamically adjusts bandwidth demands for superior internet audio. Listen to people around the world call you horrible things with crystal clarity.

Paint Improvements

Not since Leonardo Dicaprio painted that famous chapel in France has paint been put to such good use. Previously, painted hats were not visible in DX8. Now—wait for it—they are. Plus, improved shading within painted objects will now fit within the world lighting better.


That’s right, folks! It’s the classic Badlands map you know and love—but now there’s less of it! We pain-stakingly cut out vast swaths of map to bring you Badlands’ inaugural King of the Hill competition.